There is an extra special sense of shame when you “fall of the wagon” during a weight loss journey.
My absence has been exactly that: I have been embarrassed of my misstep.
I do not really know what happened, if I am being honest. One day I was doing fine and the next day I was eating a large chicken nugget meal from McDonalds.
I told myself, and all of you, that I would write when temptation hit. The problem for me was that it wasn’t really an issue of temptation, it was impulse.
Then you try to tell yourself that it won’t happen again and that you’ll be good moving forward, but you’re not. You get sucked back, you get stuck.
The emotional battle is what kept me down this time. I was so angry and frustrated with myself for letting this happen again. It gets to the point where you look at yourself in the mirror and there’s nothing positive left to say–you simply put yourself down even further.
What has had me the most upset is that I already went through this. I spent a year of my life highly dedicated to weight loss–and I did it. I was so close to my goal and I sabotaged it. It eats away at me to know I am starting all over.
Then two days ago something happened. I stood in front of the mirror and just looked at myself. This. This is me. I am the only one in the world who can make this image change. I am the only one who can make this a positive view. It’s all up to me. It’s always been up to me.
And I knew it was time. It has been time, but this felt natural. It was almost as though looking into the mirror gave me clarity; my emotional and physical sides were finally on the same page.
So I started. I exercised for an hour the first day. I drank 16 cups of water. I was awesome with my food, until I binged at night. I was ashamed, but I didn’t hide. Yesterday I exercised for two hours, drank 16 cups of water, and ate what I was supposed to. I’m hoping extra exercise each day will help my overall weekly loss, despite that binge.
I can’t promise that I’m going to be some big inspiration to you guys, but I can promise that I will eventually reach my goal weight.
This is definitely roughest journey that I have ever started on…and I cannot wait until the day that I reach my destination.